This is going to be short and fast because I'm in the middle of a hallway where anyone can see me.
Gwen, I'm right. So next time trust me, okay? I've been through more and I'll always be right. I'm tired and everything hurts and I can just say that.
They put me into a storage closet, the Master and a friend of his. I guess it was to sleep but a vent wasn't screwed shut and I just barely fit through. There's a computer in the hallway that's logged in and the internet sites are blocked, except for livejournal. I'm just posting this for anyone. I can't get to my e-mail or to Torchwood's page.
They have all my equipment, and they know too much. I'm a lab rat for them. I've been poked with needles and have had skin sampels taken. I was chained up for two whole days and made to sleep on a chair the first night. I can't get out because every ten feet is a retina scanner that will set off alarms if it scans wrong, I think. And there's guards nearby. I can hear them.
I'm at some place, some lab. I don't know where. I was blindfolded the whole way. You still think your guy is so great, Gwen?
Someone come get me please. I don't like it here and I'm scshit guards
Martha found my journal and friended me.
We talk sometimes and I don't know. I'm not sure if I should write this (I know it's public and that she can comment. I don't want to hurt her feelings) but... I think she's getting too over her head. She wants to be a doctor, wants to help people. She has to know that sometimes people aren't going to live. We accept it at Torchwood. At least I do.
Then again, there's times I guess you can't accept it. But if you're a doctor, you have to deal with it, right? That's why I work here. I do what I can, getting rid of the threats I can while still trying to fix the system some. And I know it won't ever be perfect but we save a lot of people. One life lost out of a hundred isn't that bad.
Maybe I've been around too long. I don't get sometimes why people look at me shocked when I say some things but if they knew some of the stuff I've been through, then they'd understand. I know some of them, if they'd lived the life I have, they wouldn't be around anymore. Forget the Game Station. They'd find a way.
I don't care anymore. I can't wait for tomorrow. It'll clear my head.
I should really get to sleep.
First off. I want the penguin emotion things. Ever since I worked at the Bronx Zoo and took a penguin home with me once, I sort of have a thing for them. But I think I'm going to stick with the tiny things.
I can't wait for the Christmas party. Owen mentioned it to me, saying how we haven't done anything since his birthday. And we all remember how bad that went over... I still can't believe I ran around naked.
Well. It'll have Gwen stop wondering, right?
So far pizza's on the list, cookies, brownies. I know I'll forget something though and then it'll be MY fault. Why can't someone else do something? Damn it. It feels like one of those 21st century childhood school parties that you have for end of the year, except I've bought out the liquor store. The guy stared at me when I asked for four bottles of gin, eight of rum, ten of vodka, and fifteen of whiskey. Our supply disappeared.
I have to lay off of it, though. I really do stupid stuff when I'm on it. And it always makes me think of Rosalia.
I'm not quite sure if I like this thing. Gwen made me get it. She was ranting about it for ages. Now everyone gets to know what's going on in my head.
Well, I warned you, right?
This is weird.
I want to go find Ianto but it's sort of 4 in the morning. And he's sleeping, like a normal person. I should be but today was just weird. I'll sleep tomorrow. I mean I'll be tired but whatever.
The Doctor would be shocked. I went out on my first date today in... ten years? Fifteen? Last girl was named Rachael. Pretty little thing with red hair, green eyes, ass that made men fall to their knees. She wanted someone that she could bring home to her parents. I brought her home to my bed and never saw her again. It was fun. Dinner and a movie, if you get what I mean.
... Yeah. I don't get it either.
But really. We went out. Out, out. With coffee and scones and a piece of cake. I wanted food but he wasn't hungry. It was two in the afternoon and I'd skipped lunch because Myfanwy was angry at Owen and was trying to peck his eyes out. Funny stuff, really. He sort of deserved it. I don't remember why. He just did.
I've had a bit too much to drink, maybe.
But so I was starving and we went out and it was awful. A scone each, a cup of coffee for me and tea for him, and then a piece of cake to split. When we got back to Torchwood, I ate Gwen's cheeseburger that was sitting in the fridge. I can't help it. She knows if she really wants food, she needs to put it at her house, not at Torchwood.
He liked it, though. He knows I don't do dates and he liked it. I just... I don't know. He's not Estelle. I almost had a kid with her and I ran. I ran so far I didn't see her for so long because I was scared and I wish I stayed. She would've accepted it. And the Doctor, he's different. He's better than a friend but he's not like Estelle. Same with Rose. I just don't know anymore what'll happen between us.
Edit: Sorry. Myfanwy decided he wanted to fly around and try to eat the lights. And I forgot what I was writing so entry over? Is that what I say?
I'll never get the hang of this stuff.